


say you'll get lost with me

by AwkwardPotatoChild



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Existential Crisis, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Haikyuu!! Manga Spoilers, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Time Skip, Romance, Self-Discovery, Self-Esteem Issues, World Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:16:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24931402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwkwardPotatoChild/pseuds/AwkwardPotatoChild
Summary: Kinoshita and Noya learn that being lost isn't necessarily a bad thing.
Relationships: Kinoshita Hisashi/Nishinoya Yuu
Comments: 6
Kudos: 49





	say you'll get lost with me

**Author's Note:**

> I don't fucking know. I was thinking about letters or something and then this happened.  
> Loosely based on how, during my freshman year of uni, I had a friend who had joined the military and was at bootcamp, so he and I would write each other letters. Some of you may know that year wasn't great for me, but those letters really meant a lot to me. We don't talk anymore, but I still have them and they still mean a lot to me. So remember that you have admirers whether you realize it or not.  
> Also, loosely based on the song [As One Says by Sagging Snail](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_kGWR2RD1Y). The video has subtitles, but the translated lyrics can also be found [here](https://popgasa.com/2011/07/04/drooping-snail-yoo-jae-suk-lee-juk-as-one-says-%EB%A7%90%ED%95%98%EB%8A%94-%EB%8C%80%EB%A1%9C/).
> 
> Anyways, I wrote this in like...two hours. It's likely a mess, but I'm done with staring at this. Especially when I should be working on other WIPs. lol! Definitely let me know if there are any mistakes.

Six months ago, Kinoshita had started his new job.

Six months ago, Kinoshita thought this was a new beginning.

Six months ago, Kinoshita was ready to take on the world.

But now, six months later, Kinoshita was lying in bed, hands tightly clenched around a letter as he cried into his pillow. It wasn’t the first one he had received, nor was it the first time he had cried while reading one either. There were others that had arrived before then, dating back a month and a half ago, but from their appearance and how often Kinoshita found himself rereading them, they looked much older. He made a mental note to be more careful with them later as he wiped away his tears.

Kinoshita wasn’t sure when it all started, but somewhere during those six months of working for the train company, he became tired of its tedium. He was excited, at first. Having a job was enough, given the current state of things. Having a consistent source of income was even more than enough and he made enough to afford him a decently sized apartment with Narita. It was only a bus ride away from his workplace and he didn’t even have to change buses. His regular schedule there even gave him the opportunity to meet up with his friends often too. Sure, it wasn’t his dream job, but it was a good job. It was a good start.

But soon, it all became the same. The things he had liked about his job at the beginning became the things that he wanted to avoid. Going to work every day became a chore. It was always the same bus, with the same people, on the same road, to the same stop. He went and did the same thing at work every day and then took the same bus home, with the same people, on the same road, to the same stop. On weekends, he always met up with Ennoshita, Narita, Tanaka, and Noya, the same people he had been hanging out with since high school. They always went to the same bar, ordered the same things, and talked about the same subjects before leaving at the same time each week. It almost felt as if he was reliving the same day everyday and Kinoshita was starting to wonder if this was his fate, stuck in an endless loop of going to work and going back home.

In reality, it wasn’t too bad. Kinoshita knew it could’ve been much worse. The problem, he knew, was with himself. He was more anxious than people realized, more worried than what they knew. While monotony wasn’t necessarily a bad thing and it wasn’t something that Kinoshita disliked, it also didn’t take long for his mind to wander and wonder if this was how his life would always be.

Would he always be here? Would he always be doing this? Would he be stuck alone while everyone moved past him? Was his life only meant to be the same? What was he supposed to do now?

Consistency never worried him before, but seeing his friends with clear goals, Kinoshita wondered if maybe he just wasn’t good enough, if he was unable to do any better because he wasn’t any better, if he was stagnant because he wasn’t special in comparison to everyone else. And it didn’t help that he wasn’t even really certain of what a dream job for him might even be. This lack of direction left awake at night, feeling lost and confused, as if everyone around him was moving forward, while he was being left behind.

Noya had left to go on his world tour only a month and a half ago, and a week after that was when the first letter arrived for Kinoshita. When he had announced his plans to their group of friends, no one was really surprised, to be honest. Noya was someone that always went wherever his heart wanted and without any regard for what others may think. He may not have had clear goals for the future, but what he wanted today, he’d get today. There was no point in waiting for the right time to do anything, in his opinion, because the right time was now.

Kinoshita was always a bit jealous of that, he supposed. Perhaps that’s why he unknowingly latched on to Noya’s letters, offering a glimpse of what he could have been. He recalled the first one had come from Nagoya. Narita had brought the letter in and made a comment about how he could’ve just called or texted if he was going to be so close, especially since they had no way of writing back since he was constantly moving from place to place, and Kinoshita had laughed before disappearing into his room. The letter had laid nearly forgotten on his desk as he ate dinner and settled down for the night, and he ended up reading it in bed. Noya’s familiar scrawl made him smile, but hearing of the adventures he had already left Kinoshita feeling both warmed and something else that made his chest ache. He had pushed it aside to be indigestion, but looking back now, he realized he had already longed for a life beyond this room.

The letters started coming twice a week after that. Kinoshita knew they would. Noya had promised he’d send them as many letters as possible. He probably thought they were just a fun way for him to tell his story and stay connected to them, but at some point, for Kinoshita, they became everything. One night, after coming home from work in a haze of emptiness, he found Narita had left the letter on his desk already and he genuinely smiled for the first time that week. He opened the letter quickly, wrapping himself up within his blanket, as he rushed to read it. It must have started earlier than this, but that night, Kinoshita didn’t bother with dinner or getting cleaned up. Instead, he remained in bed, rereading the letter over and over, as if that would somehow transport him an ocean away to where Noya was in Mexico, and he finally understood how much these simple letters were keeping him going, giving him something to look forward to.

Noya always ended his letters the same way. He always wrote about how he felt Kinoshita would enjoy each location and how they should go together someday. Kinoshita knew that Noya likely wrote that in everyone’s letter, trying to instill the idea of a group trip in all of their minds. But late at night, when the world was finally quiet and he was truly alone, Kinoshita found himself selfishly imagining that Noya meant those words for him only, that Noya somehow knew of his struggles and was trying to help him, that when Noya came back, he’d whisk Kinoshita away from his mundane life and give him the life he wanted. It was a foolish and impossible dream, but Kinoshita supposed it was the closest he’d ever get to having one for himself.

And now, here Kinoshita was again, lying in bed, hands tightly clenched around a letter as he cried into his pillow. He had reread the words multiple times already, at least a million times over and to the point of being ingrained within his heart, but he read them once more, hoping, praying, they were not part of a bittersweet dream.

> Kinoshita!
> 
> Hope you’re doing alright! Italy’s been a lot of fun and I think I’m really starting to get the hang of his marlin catching thing. Federico and his family have been great. I don’t think I would’ve made it without them. Kinda wish I had done this whole fishing thing earlier because I would’ve been ripped WAY sooner! Anyways, it’s like 2am here and I’m exhausted because all I did was fish today. I wanna go to sleep, but I knew I had to write you your letter first, so here it is!
> 
> Yesterday was quiet. Not much happened, but it gave me some time to think and take a break. It’s so weird that it’s already been nearly 2 months since I started this trip. I’m glad I decided to do this, but tbh I was really scared about doing this. I feel like I never know what I’m doing and I don’t know if I ever will. You and Narita and Ennoshita and Ryuu all have jobs and plans and homes. I’m kinda jealous of that tbh. I’m not sad about coming on this trip, but it sure would be nice if I knew what I was doing.
> 
> But also, seeing you with your job is cool too. Like Ennoshita and Narita and Ryuu all have cool jobs and you don’t. Not that working for a train company isn’t cool! But like I feel like everyone expects us to be successful already and we’re only in our 20’s and that’s a lot of pressure. Like everyone says we’re young and have our whole lives ahead of us, but then they expect us to do everything and idk it’s just nice to see that you’re just...being chill? I guess. idk how to explain it. Like you’re not super successful, but you’re not like me who’s doing nothing. You’re just like living your life and I think that’s cool.
> 
> Anyways, I bet you’d like Italy. The beaches are beautiful here and I’ve eaten so much granita. I learned how to make pasta the other day too, so I’ll try to make it for you sometime. Or we could just come back together. That’d be nice. But it’s onto the next location now! The City of Love, here I come!
> 
> Noya!

The words remained unchanging on the page and Kinoshita let out a shaky sigh, setting it aside. Staring up at his ceiling, he could still see the words that were real, that were there, right behind his eyelids, and he became overwhelmed as he continued trying to process them.

Kinoshita never saw himself as anything special. He never thought someone could be jealous of him or admire him in any way. Like Noya had mentioned, that honor was reserved for people like Kinoshita, Tanaka, and Narita, and in his opinion, Noya. But to hear that someone as bold and as confident as Noya was not only struggling with the same feelings he did, but was also currently looking to him for solace, was somehow even more impossible than Kinoshita’s impossible dream of Noya truly wishing for him to join him on a global adventure. This whole time, Kinoshita felt guilty for relying on Noya so much without him knowing, unable to work up the courage to simply call him and tell him how he felt. The thought of also burdening Noya with his growing feelings weighed heavy on his mind too. He hoped that maybe it would pass with time or at the very least, he could keep this secret dream with him until the end, but with this letter, Kinoshita was hit with the sudden realization that maybe, that dream he saw between the lines of each letter, was truly there after all.

Rushing out of bed, Kinoshita barged into Narita’s room without a second thought, causing Narita to sit up with a yelp, grabbing his phone for protection. He looked around the room wildly until his eyes landed upon Kinoshita.

“Kinoshita, what are you doing?” Narita asked. He looked at his phone. “It’s nearly three in the morning.”

“Where are the letters?” Kinoshita was now rummaging through the papers on Narita’s desk. “Where are the letters?!”

“The letters?”

“The letters! The-” Kinoshita groaned. “The ones Noya sent you!”

“They’re in the drawer. But Kinoshita, what is going on?”

Narita watched in confusion as Kinoshita paid no mind, only sighing with relief when he found the letters. He scanned through all of them quickly, flipping them over multiple times, before putting them back in the drawer. Looking at him, he seemed to spot something and Narita let out a yelp when his phone was suddenly taken from him. There were a million questions on his mind, but Narita still waited patiently as Kinoshita made a call. He heard Ennoshita’s sleep voice on the other end and Kinoshita asked him about the letters too.

“The letters?” Narita could barely make out Ennoshita’s voice. “Noya’s letters?”

“Yes! Those!” Kinoshita cried. “At the end of yours, does he say anything about meeting up or how we should go there together?”

“Uhhh, hold on. Give me a second.” Kinoshita paced around the room, impatient and nervous for some reason that Narita wasn’t privy to. “Hmm...I don’t think so. Why do you-”

Kinoshita hung up and was now dialing another number. Narita made a mental note to apologize to Ennoshita for that since he’ll likely think it was him later and not Kinoshita. He then heard Tanaka growling into the phone, his voice much louder and clearer than Ennoshita’s.

“What the fuck? Why are you calling at-”

“Where are the letters?!” Kinoshita yelled.

“What? Narita, it’s-”

“I don’t care, Tanaka! Just get the letters! Noya’s letters!” Narita could see his hand shaking as he clutched the phone. His eyes were wide and frantic as his pace around the room picked up. “I need to know if he says anything about traveling together with you!”

“Narita, what-”

“Just answer the question, Tanaka!”

“Okay! No, no! I don’t think so!” He groaned. “I don’t remember him saying anything like that. Happy?”

“Yes.” Kinoshita hung up again and tossed the phone at Narita. He barely managed to catch it before realizing that Kinoshita was no longer in his room. He heard rattling through the walls and ran over to Kinoshita’s room to see him pulling out a suitcase which he then haphazardly threw his clothes into.

“Kinoshita! What is going on?”

Kinoshita didn’t look up as he continued to pack. “I have to go to Paris.”

“What?”

“Paris. I have to go to Paris,” he repeated. He pushed down on the suitcase, trying to get it to close. Seeing him struggle, Narita came over and held it down, so he could zip it up properly. “Don’t worry. I’ll be back and I’ll explain everything when I get to the airport, but right now, I really have to go.”

Narita was ready to argue and ask his best friend more questions, but as Kinoshita ran around gathering the last of his things, he could see the determination within his eyes and realized that this wasn’t just a simple whim from out of nowhere. There was something important that had happened and for the first time in awhile, Kinoshita had a goal in mind.

“Okay. Yeah, sure,” Narita nodded. “Um, fly safe then. Okay? And remember to explain things to not just me, but Ennoshita and Tanaka too, okay?”

Kinoshita set the suitcase on the floor and walked over to pull him into a hug. It did a good job of further calming him down.

“Got it,” Kinoshita mumbled. He pulled away to grab the suitcase and moved around him to get through the door. He was just about to head into the hallway when Narita had one last thing to say.

“Oh! And your boss! Be sure to call your boss!”

Kinoshita held a thumb up in acknowledgement, but didn’t turn around. Narita could only sigh and silently pray that things would go well for Kinoshita as he made his way back to bed.

Outside the apartment complex, Kinoshita managed to flag down a taxi. The ride to the airport was a blur, but he made it in due time. Having forgotten that it was nearly four in the morning now, the airport was nearly devoid of all life, but he managed to book a flight from Sendai to Paris on his phone. All he could do was wait until someone showed up, so he could check in. Alone with his thoughts once more, Kinoshita finally realized how ridiculous this whole situation was and laughed.

Never in his life had he made such an impulsive decision. He thought this would be terrifying and he’d be filled with regret, but for some reason, he only felt relief as he sat on the floor, leaning against his suitcase, while still dressed in his pajamas. Later on, he would remember that doing all of this wasn’t a guarantee that Noya actually returned his affections, but now, that didn’t matter. What mattered was that this was the first time he had taken such a huge leap of faith. What mattered was that this was the first time he gave no thought to the consequences. What mattered was that this time, he was doing what he wanted, what he longed for, because even if things didn’t go well with Noya, at the very least, he did give Kinoshita the courage to break away from his everyday life, to find something to hold onto and give him strength, to give him the opportunity to do what he told himself. He may not know what he’s doing and he may not know what his future will hold, but he’ll never know if he doesn’t at least try to move forward.

People finally began to show up at the airport, though it was still early. Because of this, Kinoshita opted to wait to call his friends and boss until after he landed in Osaka and was awaiting his next flight to Paris. The flight there was uneventful and he took the time to prepare for the longer leg of his trip. Though his friends were unhappy about being abruptly woken up at ungodly hours, they were still supportive in his cause, cheering him on back home. His boss wasn’t too happy about him missing out on work so suddenly either, but for once, Kinoshita was happy that his job was a constant and it wasn’t difficult to find someone to replace him. The time for his flight to Paris soon came and after nearly an entire day’s worth of traveling, Kinoshita was in Paris.

Though he was still in the airport, Kinoshita felt like the air here was different somehow and he smiled as he took a deep breath. His problem now was how to find Noya, but even so, Kinoshita wasn’t as worried as he thought he would be. He was in Paris, after all! Since he only had his one small suitcase, he didn’t have to go to the luggage claim and began making his way out of the airport. He was about ready to flag down an employee and drag up any broken English he knew when he heard a loud familiar voice, followed by the slam of a door.

“Merci!”

Kinoshita looked over and his face broke out into a wide grin when he saw the signature tuff of blond hair.

“Noya? Noya!” he called, racing over.

Noya’s brow furrowed in confusion at the sound of his name being called, but his eyes grew wide when he saw how it was. “Kinoshita? What are you doing here?”

“I came here for you,” he said breathlessly.

“For me?”

Kinoshita quickly pulled out the letter from his pocket, having kept it there, so he could easily reread it over and over on his long flight. Noya’s eyes grew wide, immediately recognizing what was in Kinoshita’s hands, and for once, he was speechless.

Kinoshita chuckled. “Well, and also for me, but mostly for you,” he said, sheepishly scratching at the back of his head. “I, uh, I never tell you this enough, but thank you, Noya. I know you said that you feel lost and that you think I’ve got it all figured out, but actually, I’m probably just as lost as you, maybe even moreso. Seeing you have the courage to do what you say and getting your letters each week made me feel a lot better about not knowing where my life was headed.

“You are the reason that I’m here. I’ve come to realize that I’m not too sure of anything, only that I don’t know. I don’t know what the future will hold for me and honestly, I’m not 100% sure of who I am either. But I’ve learned that I shouldn’t let that hinder me from living my life. I didn’t even think I’d get this far today, but I know that I believe in you and I know that you believe in me, and right now, that’s more than I could ever ask for.

“I’m sorry I didn’t notice what you were really trying to say sooner. And even though I’m not even sure you were saying what I think you were saying, I took a chance and I’m here now. I don’t know if I can say for certain that this is a confession, but I like you, Noya, and I want...to be lost with you. I know you’re about to head off somewhere else, but it would be nice if you could stay here with me a little longer.”

Noya’s expression was surprisingly pensive as he stared at Kinoshita and then the letter.

“I didn’t think you’d actually read these, really,” Noya confessed. “I know my handwriting isn’t great, so I figured you’d skim it and be done with it.” He and Kinoshita chuckled, and he finally looked back up at Kinoshita. “But I’m glad you did. I didn’t think you’d understand either, but I was just happy knowing that you read them to begin with. So to be clear, I like you too, Kinoshita, and I really don’t say thank you to you enough either. So thank you for, not just supporting me, but for also being what kept me going through this trip. Because as much as my letters helped you, writing to you really helped me too. For some reason, it was hard for me to be honest with the others, even Ryuu, but...it was never that way with you and I’m glad I took the chance to tell you everything.”

Kinoshita watched as Noya fiddled with the letter, biting his lip nervously. Though he was also ready to accept if Noya rejected him, he still found himself growing anxious as he awaited his answer.

“As you already know, none of this trip was planned. I’ve just been going from place to place and I haven’t really been deciding where to go next until the day before I go to the airport or when I get there,” said Noya. “With that being said, I think my next destination is wherever you are, Kinoshita.”

Kinoshita let out a sigh of relief and smiled brightly, which Noya returned tenfold. They both stepped closer to each other, hesitating, until Kinoshita decided to hold his arms out for Noya. He stepped in, arms wrapped around his waist, as Kinoshita rested his chin on Noya’s head, and they were both filled with comfort and peace. They remained standing there, embracing, for what felt like an eternity until someone walked past and bumped into them. They pulled apart slightly, but never let go of each other.

“So where to now?”

Noya shrugged. “I don’t know.”

Kinoshita laughed at this and leaned down to rest his forehead against Noya’s, staring into each other’s eyes for a moment. Taking a deep breath, they broke apart to pick up their luggage, but were quickly reconnected. Hand in hand, the two of them began walking to somewhere only they knew.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read this!  
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